Dr. Damour’s visit was part of Branksome’s Rachel Phillips Belash Lecture Series. This annual series was established in June 1998 to honour the sixth principal of Branksome Hall. Each year, an outstanding female speaker is invited to speak on a topic related to the development and education of girls and young women. Previous speakers have included Gloria Steinem, Arianna Huffington and Chrystia Freeland. 

As Dr. Damour noted, we are living in a particularly difficult era of caring for teenagers. The pandemic exacerbated mental health struggles, and a pervasive misunderstanding persists: the idea that feeling good equals being mentally healthy. Dr. Damour emphasized the importance of debunking this myth, noting that mental well-being isn’t about constant happiness. Distress and discomfort are normal and often signs of mental health in action, helping teens to process their emotions and grow.

"Distress can be proof of mental health," Dr. Damour explained, stressing how experiencing difficult emotions at the right time is crucial for emotional development. Learning how to manage those bad days is a key skill that fosters resilience over time.

Throughout her evening presentation, Dr. Damour offered practical strategies for parents. She encouraged the audience to recognize that managing emotional turmoil in healthy ways often involves actions that "bring relief and do no harm." For example, crying can reset the nervous system, while cuddling a pet or watching comforting TV shows such as Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse can provide a quick emotional reprieve. However, she cautioned against more harmful coping mechanisms like substance abuse or taking out one’s frustrations on others.

Parents, Dr. Damour said, have one primary job: to be a steady presence in their child’s life. With the media often portraying teen girls in a negative light, the constant barrage of sensational headlines can distort the realities of adolescent development. Dr. Damour urged parents to read articles from the bottom up to gain a fuller, more nuanced understanding of the issues at hand.

"Know when to worry," she advised, noting that while emotional distress can be normal, when mood shifts last more than 36 hours, this may indicate a deeper concern. At the same time, parents must support their children in experiencing distress, as it is through these moments of pain that growth occurs.

Dr. Damour also shared insights into how young people can cope with their emotions. Girls, she noted, tend to be particularly good at expressing their feelings, which helps to reduce distress. Many teens turn to music, physical activities or creative outlets such as art to process their emotions. On the other hand, some teens might prefer to "tame" their feelings by using distractions like social media or engaging in extensive skincare routines. On the topic of social media, Dr. Damour cautioned against overindulgence in it as a temporary fix, noting that the algorithms behind social media platforms are designed to exploit vulnerable moments, further complicating the emotional landscape.

For parents, Dr. Damour emphasized the importance of showing empathy, especially when a teenager is going through a tough time. "You can comfort them without knowing what’s wrong," she reassured the audience. "Sometimes, rehashing the issue may not help them feel better, but your steady presence will."

The presentation also touched on the developmental phases of adolescence, explaining how emotional intensity peaks at around age 13 for girls and 14 for boys. This developmental stage is when teens are most reactive, and parents need to stay calm and present during these heightened moments. Dr. Damour encouraged parents to keep engaging with their teens, even if it feels like they are pushing back.

"Stay connected," she said, offering a reminder that kids who "rub us the wrong way" are often still engaging in important growth, and parents should continue to offer guidance—even if it doesn’t always seem like it’s being received in the moment.

Dr. Damour’s visit was a powerful reminder of the importance of managing distress in healthy ways, fostering resilience and building strong, empathetic connections between parents and teens. With the right tools, Dr. Damour said, today’s teens will grow into capable, confident adults.